I like animals. I really do. Most of the people I know also like animals, so there's a chance this post is going to irritate some of them. I do apologize in advance for this, but I just can't keep it inside any longer.
Every weekday, I encounter the two stupidest doves in all of dovedom.
I recently read a story that suggested birds were actually quite intelligent. I assure you that scientists never interviewed these two doves. Had they done so, they would have changed the title of their study to "Two Doves Counteract All Other Evidence of Avian Intelligence." It's that bad.
I park in one of those glorious concrete parking garages that so beautifully adorn the South San Francisco landscape. My chosen facility has a sprinkler system to combat any particular vehicular flambes that may occur randomly, which I think is a nice perk. Since concrete is not flammable, the system has obviously been installed to protect my car from bursting into flames because some other car, most likely a Ford, has decided to spontaneously combust.
This fire-protection system, however, is not necessarily aesthetically pleasing. It's really nothing more than a whole bunch of pipes mounted about three inches below the ceiling of each level of the parking garage. The pipes run every which way, intersecting at 90-degree angles every now and then. This is where our friends the doves come in.
One pair of doves has decided that one of these intersections is the perfect place to call home, and they've decided to build a nest there. I'm all for that. In theory, it's not the worst place in the world for a bird to build a nest. The odds of a cat being able to find them are awfully low. However, the surface area of their chosen home is approximately the size of a playing card -- a playing card that is cylindrical and hence slopes downward on two sides.
What this means for the doves should be simple, even for doves to figure out. Every time they build a nest there, parts of the nest quickly fall to the ground. Every day, there's a little collection of twigs about 12 feet underneath their homestead. And every day, several times a day, one of the doves flies down to the ground, grabs one of the little twigs, flies up 12 feet, places the twig on the nest, watches the twig roll off the pipe and fall to the ground, flies back down to the ground, grabs one of the little twigs, flies back up to the intersection, puts the twig down, watches the twig fall, flies down to the ground, picks it up ...
You get the picture. Makes you tired almost thinking about it, doesn't it? It's like watching the Sisyphus of doves.
I wish these doves the best, but their attempt to avoid the high cost of Bay Area real estate isn't working.
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