Dennis Miller has been thrown off of television again, this time by a network that fills its days with reruns of Conan O'Brien and The Contender.
In my post about Joe Scarborough the other day, I mocked Revoltin' Joe's lousy ratings -- around 336,000 lost souls tuned into the Republican Gary Condit and his burlesque-show of lies last week. Miller would have killed the chimp that co-hosted his CNBC show for those numbers. Dennis Haircut couldn't even lure 100,000 neo-conservative cult members into his lair in a typical week. CNBC, apparently deciding that static would get better ratings than a washed-up SNL alum who has been fresh out of ideas for a few years now, pulled the plug on Miller.
Remember when Dennis Miller was actually hip and funny? It sure seems like long ago. Miller had an incredible stand-up routine -- the smartest anyone had seen in decades. His version of "Weekend Update" was must-see TV, and he followed that up with a fabulously funny series on HBO that ran for several years.
Then Sept. 11 hit, and Miller got all Ron Silver on our behinds. The joking stopped, and the witch hunts began. Political opponents of George W. Bush became, in Miller's eyes, enemies of the state who didn't love America. (He used the word "pussies" more than once to describe opponents of the Iraqi invasion.) Gone were the days when all public officials, regardless of political ideology, were in Miller's crosshairs. He became the poet laureate of the neocon death cult, which is a lousy job considering few members of that audience can read -- and the ones who can only read the Bible, NASCAR magazines, and Mein Kampf.
Miller stopped being funny, and once the humor faded, so did Miller's relevance. ABC, in its quest to cram conservatives down our throats everywhere we turn, gave Miller two disastrous years in the Monday Night Football booth after failing to convince America that Rush Limbaugh's felonious, drug-addicted behind should be in there. Miller was an absolute flop in the broadcast booth; it even sounded like Al Michaels (himself a rabid right-wing jackass) and Dan Fouts could hardly tolerate him.
For some reason that only they can comprehend, CNBC gave Miller and his rapidly fading career yet another shot. Miller had a monkey on the show with him, apparently thinking that maybe people would channel surf past CNBC, see the chimp, and at least tune in until The Haircut started using five-syllable words and references from 18th-century English literature to insult anyone who opposes the Bush-DeLay Doctrine of Hate. Even that didn't work, and Miller is now out of yet another job.
One can't help but wonder how long it will take NetZero to realize that nobody cares about Dennis Miller nowadays. Who in their right mind would sign up for NetZero's version of lousy dial-up service just because they paid Dennis Miller to be their pimp?
On the other hand, maybe the shoe fits. NetZero describes to perfection the absolute worth of Miller's opinion about anything.